NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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