My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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