he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
