You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
