He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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