Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
