I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
