You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
