i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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