three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
