toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
