Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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