A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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