I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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