1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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