i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
