who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
