____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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