My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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