I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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