You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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