My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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