yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
