So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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