Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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