happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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