as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
