I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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