I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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