This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
