woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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