I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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