her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
