who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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