my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
