i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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