I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
