did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
