you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No subtext here. People are naked.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
