So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
