the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
