If that was your dad, he is hot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
