I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
