The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
