So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
