that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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