break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
