Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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