I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
