i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
