I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its not stalking. its research.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
