Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
