Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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