Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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