I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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