Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
