My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
