I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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