At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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