Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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