Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
