I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
