I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
