rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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