I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
