is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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