I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
