i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
