My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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