3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Panties = found
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
