Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
