Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
